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@tess_snider   ·  27 Jun 2015
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@tess_snider   ·  27 Jun 2015
Days may ex cheated me #ThingsITryToForgetButCant
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@tess_snider   ·  27 Jun 2015
Obamacare still works #ThingsITryToForgetButCant
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@tess_snider   ·  27 Jun 2015
#ThingsITryToForgetButCant ISIS sponsored Clinton Foundation
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@tess_snider   ·  1 Jul 2015
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The fact that Front Porch Step is allowed to perform at Warped Tour #InternationalJokeDay
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@tess_snider   ·  1 Jul 2015
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Me: Remember sitting in the tub and blowing bubbles as a kid? Him: Oh ya, all the time. Me: Well, he says hello. #InternationalJokeDay
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@tess_snider   ·  1 Jul 2015
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What does a #Chevy wear to a black tie event? A Bowtie! What's your go-to joke for #InternationalJokeDay? http://t.co/qE3GIqmOGG
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@tess_snider   ·  4 Jul 2015
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#UnitedStatesIn3Words We create technologies
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@tess_snider   ·  9 Jul 2015
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#IMightNeedALawyerBecause last time I appeared in "pro se" & I pissed off the judge so bad, he sentenced me 5 years for a jaywalking ticket.
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@tess_snider   ·  9 Jul 2015
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#IMightNeedALawyerBecause I just have bought a little drugs for women http://t.co/4gsfzAZOwk
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@tess_snider   ·  11 Jul 2015
Buy new house #WasteAMillionIn3Words
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@tess_snider   ·  23 Jul 2015
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@tess_snider   ·  23 Jul 2015
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#NASA's #Kepler telescope finds rocky world orbiting sun's older cousin http://t.co/YrsZJwxTxR
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@tess_snider   ·  28 Jul 2015
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@tess_snider   ·  15 Aug 2015
If I can make it there I'll make it anywhere It's up to you, White House white house #TrumpenASong
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@tess_snider   ·  15 Aug 2015
And suddenly you're Trump I need the reason why I-I-I I smi-i-ile #TrumpenASong
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@tess_snider   ·  30 Aug 2015
I just don't feel like planning this day. I will improvise #MyDoomsdayPlans
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@tess_snider   ·  30 Aug 2015
Cut smbdy's face with a pack of cats #MyDoomsdayPlans
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@tess_snider   ·  6 Sep 2015
#DumbGenieWishes pls return the Mighty mouse http://t.co/xwKyha4p39
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@tess_snider   ·  14 Sep 2015
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#ReasonIAmNotPresident is because those that are look like death warmed over by the time their term is up. No thanks!
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@tess_snider   ·  14 Sep 2015
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I don't have transgender wife #ReasonIAmNotPresident
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@tess_snider   ·  14 Sep 2015
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Kinda kills the funny when in-office pranks become a matter of National Security. #reasoniamnotpresident
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@tess_snider   ·  20 Sep 2015
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#AllWentWrongWhen I noticed a feeling that I am wrong
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@tess_snider   ·  20 Sep 2015
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@tess_snider   ·  20 Sep 2015
#AllWentWrongWhen my parents said I'm an adopted child
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@tess_snider   ·  20 Sep 2015
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#AllWentWrongWhen I started learning karate http://t.co/kAhky3JfDr
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@tess_snider   ·  20 Sep 2015
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#AllWentWrongWhen I decided to cook a dinner http://t.co/T54xQf5Zeb
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@tess_snider   ·  20 Sep 2015
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#AllWentWrongWhen I learned how to order a pizza
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@tess_snider   ·  20 Sep 2015
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#AllWentWrongWhen I tried to cook.I burnt the house down
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@tess_snider   ·  20 Sep 2015
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