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All tweets by @toneporter (page 58 of 61)
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#LastMinuteGifts2016 Seriously, pre-order me #FantasticBeasts and I would love you forever.
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#SometimesTwitterMakesMe Nervous coz of the lack of an edit button...
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The gift of prophesy (Don't ask - you don't want to know). #LastMinuteGifts2016
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You're a photographer, checking me out is the only 5 minutes of your life you haven't wasted https://t.co/V4GHkzKjAY
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#RatherHaveTheBoxThan front row tickets for Ted Nugent playing at the Inaugural Ball.... https://t.co/x9Xsp7TxJG
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#WhateverYouDoDont forget these simple tips for how to wash your own highly trained attack cats.... https://t.co/TLLEtFwQcc
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#WhateverYouDoDont refer to Delusional Donnie as "President" #NotMyPresident https://t.co/Tr1rj2foNa
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Avoiding World War 3, or impeachment for treason, violating the emoluments clause, or ignoringThe Bill of Rights. https://t.co/cvefEbNMmF
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#Fake2016Facts 2016! The year Grandma finally got little Jason that iPad everyone's been talking about! https://t.co/wrreknfguJ
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#Fake2016Facts 2016! The year Delusional Donnie actually once told a truth--by mistake!
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#Fake2016Facts 2016! The year we found out rock bottom has a basement & it is full of fucking Republicans on the road to sub-basement Hell https://t.co/hnnOPvs5Ft
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#WhateverYouDoDont say "I'm laying down". You LIE down, you lay *something* down. It's "I'm LYING down!"
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I've come to the conclusion that I look like death-warmed-up in family chrimble photos. Perhaps I should go orange... #ChristmasAftermath
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#ChristmasAftermath.. Having my i-phone surgically removed from from my a-hole.. I'm buggered as to how it got THERE??.. #FindYourPhone
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When you ask your mom for money and she says "bring my purse" #ChristmasAftermath https://t.co/POZgwwfBnd
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#ChristmasAftermath Wife mad cause I ‘accidentally’ shipped the kids to grandma. Thanks UPS!
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#ChristmasAftermath Peace and goodwill on Earth shot in the ass again. Maybe next year.
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#ChristmasAftermath Accepting new Googloid Smart Car now requires quid pro quo of getting private information gossiped in return for a ride https://t.co/mQEKcscJoB
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