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All tweets by @projectlandy (page 17 of 18)
Today I saw a smartly dressed man shoplift three packs of digestives from a supermarket. That's really taking the biscuit.
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'@Herring1967 @ChesterChay I can feel a comic relief challenge coming on'
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#IfIHadAnEvilTwin I would spend all day looking at him thinking how good looking he was... In an evil way.
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If you enter the word Google into Google the internet will break #fakecomputerfacts
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Can't touch this #3WordEulogy
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Worm food now #3WordEulogy
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KFC took your left wing so you have no choice #SignsYoureRightWing
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#IfAnythingSchoolTaughtMe they don't like it when you do your own sex ed practical in the corner
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#WhenNoOneIsLooking I put items in other people's shopping carts
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'@Independent: Find out what the number one film was on the day you were born...In the USA.'
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If your delayed in getting home because of the #tubestrike why not listen to the pamela landy project podcast http://t.co/It3IyPb6sw
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Rock the goat, don't rock the goat baby, rock the goat, don't turn the goat over. #ReplaceSongTitleWithGoat
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#ImNotReallySelfishBut everyone play my hashtag game #iluvpamelalandyprojectbecause
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I love to go fake shopping or as some people like to call it shop lifting #FakeShoppingFacts
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"Clean up on aisle 4" is actually code for "there's a creepy guy in the lingerie section sniffing panties" #FakeShoppingFacts
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As a commando I often end up taking alot of pants back as I am unable to try them on in the store #FakeShoppingFacts http://t.co/cXwDBLvbOT
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'@arnettwill looks like the pillsbury dough boy has eczema again'
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'@toddbarry any plans to come to the UK?'
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In this book I will record all the sales of milk to dyslexic kids #DonaldTrumpsDiary
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Beetlejuice2 That explains why Mr Keatons inner voice in Birdman sounded so familiar. Practice.
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'@Herring1967 any animal that can perform magic is amazing in my book. Incidentally please read my book "Magical Mammals"'
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Spent the evening watching @jokedoctor videos on Youtube. My first small step to becoming a stand-up.
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Follow @Road2standup on his journey to become a stand up comedian. Accompanying podcast coming soon #podcast #comedy #funny
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Before I went on holiday I added roaming to my mobile phone package. Now I don't know where I am. #pun #comedy #StandUpcomedy
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I've stopped playing golf as I hated the way women were treated. Almost every course I played had a pro shop. Disgusting.
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Follow @Road2standup as he attempts to launch a career as stand up comedian.
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'@PurpleNextDoor I used to go out with a trampolinist.The relationship was full of ups & downs but really I think she was just on the rebound'
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