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583 tweets using #howtoescapeadate (page 13 of 20)
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#howtoescapeadate Spray hunters scent all over yourself when you show up. If asked if you've been hunting, say yeah, I found the asshole.
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Scurry across the floor. Hide in the skirting board #HowToEscapeADate
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Be up front right away. I tell them I'm looking for a new baby daddy! #HowToEscapeADate https://t.co/QiD0Uoswvo
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#HowToEscapeADate start arguing with yourself about if he is the one to have your babies with
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#HowToEscapeADate arrange a meeting with a Prostate Cancer Survivors Club at the same place and time
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Ask her to move round so there's room on the table for grandma's ashes #HowToEscapeADate
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#HowToEscapeADate: Step 1) Don't be an asshole And so Step 2) Call and be honest about not being interested
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Tell your date you have a body decomposing in the trunk ��� #HowToEscapeADate
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#HowToEscapeADate do you mind that I have a criminal record for abduction.
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#HowToEscapeADate Tell them you don't like #Beyonce and the album #Lemonade is over-rated. Boom, date over. https://t.co/QSYLkvPRAY
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#HowToEscapeADate start a political talk
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#HowToEscapeADate: Bring all your lucky 'Wishniks' and align them facing him. Cross ur fingers, close your eyes and chant "Be the one!"
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Talk incessantly about how much you love your car? #HowToEscapeADate
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#HowToEscapeADate Ask like 75% of any of the girls I've ever dated. They'll fill you in.
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#HowToEscapeADate Tell them you're actually looking for a blood donor
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