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1,186 tweets using #ificouldntlie (page 38 of 40)
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#IfICouldntLie I couldn't have kept it secret anymore: I stole your dog. He is great and you're an asshole https://t.co/I7jtQudqaZ
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#IfICouldntLie My boss would find out I am his wife's yoga instructor
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#IfICouldntLie my kids would never eat their veggies: how the hell are green peas good for your health? https://t.co/OnVdNkYnag
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#IfICouldntLie then no I don't remember you, or your name and I probably will forget again when I walk off ���
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#IfICouldntLie then I would just tell you that I liked George Michael in highschool and move on. https://t.co/NW3sFqD8A0
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#IfICouldntLie you'd know that it's not the jeans that make you look fat. it's a mix of genetics and gluttony.
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#IfICouldntLie ... or is it lay? Whatever fits for me to be with Julia Robert's character in Pretty Woman when she suggests they "veg out".
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#IfICouldntLie I'd have to own up to all of my farts. Considering I only share an office with 1 other person, that seems redundant.
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#IfICouldntLie my kid would have learned very early that babies actually come from vagina and they are not sold in hospitals
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#IfICouldntLie then your singing is actually awful. In fact, you sound like a cat who got his balls stuck in a mousetrap.
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#IfICouldntLie I could never say "I'm almost there" when barely leaving my place
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Let's say your nose does grow when you lie. #IfICouldntLie would I have no nose? https://t.co/7qv4MRTCyh
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#IfICouldntLie people would no longer suspect me of being a shallow prick. They'd know for sure.
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#IfICouldntLie could I still cheat and steal? I think I have a future in public office.
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#IfICouldntLie You wouldn't be sure #iPhone7 is the most important thing you need to buy in 2016 https://t.co/dtYgnSFzIV
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#IfICouldntLie I'd feel really bad for anyone who asks me ' How are you doing today?'
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