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1,381 tweets using #survivalguidetothanksgiving (page 9 of 47)
#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving don't talk politics unless you wanna die in a riot
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Say you married a Canadian in June, and you have already done Thanksgiving in October.
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Knowing that God is the only one that can be at all places at all times
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving use a mantra. Mine is "Once a year. Once a year. Once a year"
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving 1)show up 2)roll a fat joint 3)smoke said fat joint 4)eat 5)kiss everyone goodbye
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Sit at the kids' table for some deep meaningful conversation when you need a break from the political garbage. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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1. Don't fill up before dinner 2. Pretend to care when others show up 3. Use NFL as an excuse to not help out #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving I typically try to win the game currently known as who can outWINE you? I never lose
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The salad fork is for salads, the big fork is for stabbing #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Remember you love your family and remember you love your family #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Adopt some of Daniel-san's karate techniques to fend off the wet kisses and bad breath of relatives. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving https://t.co/gNO8yogNUb
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Go to pet store, pickup dozen mice. When Political war starts secretively release the mice. #GameChanger #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving have a friend text you the ETA on when the food is ready so you can make it on time. https://t.co/LJV7UI5I4K
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Roofie the turkey then blame it on the Tryptophan and make your early exit
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving turn on that weed vaporizer gadget, I bet the conversation will b much mo interesting wit every1 high
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving have your gun ready for anyone who says "Make America Great Again" or "I'm With Her".
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Your excuse= I got to leave early to pay my bookie the Loins lost again...
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Don't let your siblings win the wishbone contest. You know their darkest dreams…
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My #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving is pass out Armageddon scenario survival booklet during meal & school the family of their rolls in my plan.
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Come prepared w a poncho, gets wild every now and then #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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