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1,381 tweets using #survivalguidetothanksgiving (page 6 of 47)
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order takeout. stay home. repeat every year. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving get Grandpa to start talking bout his young days, he'll bore everyone to sleep, that's the window to escape
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Root for the opposing football team...while holding a bottle of Jim Beam. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Just shut up, eat, leave. See you all next year! #survivalguidetothanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Get real dessert instead of stupid pumpkin pie!
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Put the turkey neck in your pants and let it hang out the zipper hole when you answer the door #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving @bobandtom
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Go to pet store, pickup dozen mice. When Political war starts secretively release the mice. #GameChanger #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Try to do it alone. Don't make a plan. Grocery shop on the last day. Don't cook in advance. Eat fast. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving wear your Halloween costume - this would distract everyone from discussing politics
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Lots of exercise all year & zero carbs. Be the skinniest motherfucking turkey ever & you'll live another year
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If you're planning to host Thanksgiving Dinner, please don't. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Crosses Garlic Stakes Silver Bullets Bible exorcism version
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20 minute bathroom breaks, once an hour, with your trusty 3DS. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving https://t.co/5hkjduZEMg
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Keep your grandmother nearby. No matter the age, she's a valuable weapon. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Give thanks that you only have to do this once a year. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving make for food not only tasty, but also good-looking https://t.co/lDw2Z25XTp
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1. Don't fill up before dinner 2. Pretend to care when others show up 3. Use NFL as an excuse to not help out #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Don't let your siblings win the wishbone contest. You know their darkest dreams…
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