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1,381 tweets using #survivalguidetothanksgiving (page 5 of 47)
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving don't leave the bedroom - just netflix and chill
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I keep my #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving right next to my how to make Thanksgiving Dinner For Dummies
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving drink until the food is ready. Time will fly by.
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Don't mix it up with Halloween. They'll definitely torch you for this https://t.co/PYzT3dSghB
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Ear plugs, Prilosec and a lot of alcohol. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Remember that if any of the "5 single friends for you" like me on the day I eat the most, they're keepers. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Don't be the person at the table closest to the kitchen. You may be the one obligated to get things from there. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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If the conversation gets too colorful, smile, nod, and think about this: #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving https://t.co/m5hB7wnHbb
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If Grandpa takes a hostage, you shoot the hostage; take them out of the equation. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Go to pet store, pickup dozen mice. When Political war starts secretively release the mice. #GameChanger #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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My #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving is pass out Armageddon scenario survival booklet during meal & school the family of their rolls in my plan.
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1. Don't fill up before dinner 2. Pretend to care when others show up 3. Use NFL as an excuse to not help out #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Your excuse= I got to leave early to pay my bookie the Loins lost again...
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving 1)show up 2)roll a fat joint 3)smoke said fat joint 4)eat 5)kiss everyone goodbye
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Say you married a Canadian in June, and you have already done Thanksgiving in October.
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Don't make eye contact with your mother-in-law. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Use your chance to literally get your head out of the ass and run � https://t.co/YkyqK19zIE
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Placement of a nasogastric tube should decompress the stomach and small bowel. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Enjoy the kids for a few hours and don't get upset when they leave to visit their dad for a few hours. �
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving if you wash dishes and/or clean up, no one will come near you.
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Come live in Scotland where we don't have it☺
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving use a mantra. Mine is "Once a year. Once a year. Once a year"
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If anyone tries to talk shit about planned parenthood at thanksgiving, be prepared. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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