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1,381 tweets using #survivalguidetothanksgiving (page 4 of 47)
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving float around the cooking area so you'd know precisely when the food will be ready.
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Make sure to protect your house from Black Bart #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving https://t.co/RjBjO9zKhp
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving don't celebrate that disgusting shameful holiday & don't spend any $ on anything connected to #BlackFriday
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Try to do it alone. Don't make a plan. Grocery shop on the last day. Don't cook in advance. Eat fast. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving turn the dinner into an eating contest. At least it will stop the family from spewing obscenities at each other
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving write everyone their bill after the meal.
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Make sure right-wing lies don't ruin your turkey dinner. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Go to pet store, pickup dozen mice. When Political war starts secretively release the mice. #GameChanger #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving prepare your mind for to meet new uncles and aunts
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving choose the seat with a clear view of football on the TV
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving feign death. Or become dead - your choice.
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Ask wife to keep salad forks out of your reach. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving https://t.co/NOmRSjn0ih
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It is way too early for all these stupid ass #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving tweets If you hate your family that much, DON'T FUCKING GO Simple
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Turn the football game up so loud that it drowns out the arguing from your family members #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving wear your Halloween costume - this would distract everyone from discussing politics
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Use chicken for fuck's sake: less pain in the ass to cook and you won't look like it's 1800s
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Tell everyone you have to stay home with your Unicorns. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving "Hey everybody! I brought a batch of brownies!" https://t.co/TOsNY1SKwV
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Turkey Leg + Magnum Condom (You're welcome ladies & certain brave gentlemen) #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving https://t.co/4QNfoJO15J
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Do the cooking so you don't have to talk to anyone too much. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Use chicken for fuck's sake: less pain in the ass to cook and you won't look like it's 1800s
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Drink plenty of spiked eggnog and sit at the kids table. They're more fun and less drama #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Grammar and punctuation are important - "Let's eat, Grandma!" is different from "Let's eat Grandma!"
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