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1,381 tweets using #survivalguidetothanksgiving (page 8 of 47)
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Don't put your dick in the mashed potatoes just because the Beastie Boys said it was alright #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Make sure the only pumpkin spiced item at your dinner is pumpkin pie... #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Placement of a nasogastric tube should decompress the stomach and small bowel. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Double checking the photo's on all the screensavers making sure all the ex's in the family are represented. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#ShopSmall with good friends for gifts and laughter #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving don’t make politics the main theme of your holiday discussions
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving paper plates. Doing dishes after Thanksgiving is certain death https://t.co/C8S2gSkdMM
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving don't discuss who you voted for
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Remember, your family are people too..........Intolerable, Intolerable people, but people nonetheless #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Spike grandma's nog w/extra rum. Hide in the kitchen while she distracts the everyone w/her strip tease. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving If you are under 25; Make your parents very unproud (again) by using your "escape tactics" with a friend. :)
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Netflix and Chill
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving kiss your granny before she could kiss you
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving don’t try to use apple pie in another way
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A simple "Go Cowboys!" will come in handy, even if you (like most people) hate the Cowboys #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Go to pet store, pickup dozen mice. When Political war starts secretively release the mice. #GameChanger #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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Make sure to protect your house from Black Bart #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving https://t.co/RjBjO9zKhp
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Try to do it alone. Don't make a plan. Grocery shop on the last day. Don't cook in advance. Eat fast. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Lots of exercise all year & zero carbs. Be the skinniest motherfucking turkey ever & you'll live another year
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving make for food not only tasty, but also good-looking https://t.co/lDw2Z25XTp
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If Grandpa takes a hostage, you shoot the hostage; take them out of the equation. #SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving have your gun ready for anyone who says "Make America Great Again" or "I'm With Her".
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving Your excuse= I got to leave early to pay my bookie the Loins lost again...
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#SurvivalGuideToThanksgiving don't talk politics unless you wanna die in a riot
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